I went to a counsellor at school last Tuesday and she was utterly incompetent. I need help dealing with deconversion. She told me about her life (unprofessional, unimportant to me). She suggested I talk to a chaplain (WTF?). She said that two introverts together are boring (insulting and not true). An altogether useless woman. Very frustrating. And none of the other counsellors at school deal with deconversion either, so... there is a group that a Muslim apostate at U of T is trying to start up and I might join that.
I am getting angry though. Today I was in a "War, Society and Culture" class and he started talking about how religion should be a peaceful force but that the Popes were warriors too and I wanted to put my hand up and rant. I felt so ANGRY at religion, it's become such an ugly thing.
I have been reading Christ on a Stick's story over at Internet Infidels and it's incredible. She expresses what I felt so well. The feeling of suddenly not belonging, of being an outsider watching bizarre rituals, of having "heretical" thoughts for the first time, of disliking/disrespecting Jesus for the first time... such big emotions.
Some thoughts on atheism. It doesn't necessarily mean certainty that there is no God. But if you don't believe in any of the Gods, doesn't that make you an atheist? If I discount YHWH as I discount Zeus and Allah and Thor, doesn't that make me an atheist? Even the first cause argument seems bad to me now. And intelligent design... umm.... I don't know. But I think that in terms of how I live my life, I'm an atheist. Ooh, never said that before. Thrilling. Because I don't make any decisions in light of a god's existence. All fairy tales now and I don't think Odin has a wonderful plan for my life.
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