B's editing a paper by an ESL Seminary student on spiritual abuse and she was questioning his inclusion of the doctrine of "sin and salvation" in the list of abuses. I said, "Well, it is." "How?" So I ranted about telling five-year-olds that they're essentially bad at a time when they need to develop self-esteem, and that self-esteem can't come from outside. B and KP gaped at me for a minute and I shut up. B: "But it's true. How could it be abuse?" I don't know, B, maybe it's not true. Maybe it's a tactic to keep people in. I felt weird about saying anything. I feel like I shouldn't tell KP this week. I don't know why I'm afraid. But I am apprehensive.
Talked to J. on MSN tonight. I wanted so much to tell her and I also want to hide it from her forever. I just want everyone to inherently know so life can go on. I don't want to deal with telling people. I'm trying to be careful and wise and brave and not to hurt or offend but I'm so afraid I'll mess up.
I need new friends. I'm lonely, but with so much to deal with right now. I want to tell everyone. I want to hide in my room. I want to read everything. I want to scream. I want to meet people. I want everyone to disappear.
there is no one left to pray to
i'm losing so many friends
i'm free for the first time
the church without christ
<--sooner · later-->
<-- Faith Dissolved