This is Tim and Julie, on their wedding day. I found Julie's blog today and she's got a ton of great pictures of them. I went to EBC with them, but before that, Tim and I were in the same youth group and dated briefly in high school and then he was one of my best friends for a good five years. I haven't talked to him for a few years, which is pretty sad, and I'm still trying to figure out what ethnicity he looks like (sorry bud, there's something other than Irish/Scottish going on there!) because I keep seeing guys at school who look like him and thinking, "Wait a second... they're not exactly white!" and laughing because it really never occurred to me until a couple of years ago.

Anyways, more than that, I look at these pictures and realise that part of me is always going to love him, maybe because I loved him in high school, maybe because he was such a big part of my life for so long, maybe because he was exceedingly good to me and made me laugh a lot and took care of me in a lot of ways.

That realisation brings me to another. As angry and hurt as I am at Chris right now, give me some time and I'm going to feel something similar to this. I'm going to look back at photos and think, "Man, he made me happy. I hope his life is good." And the whole being friends thing? I don't think it's necessary. I haven't talked to Tim in years and that's okay. I don't need to keep talking to Chris just to prove that I'm a good person or that I'm mature and can put up a good front when I'm still hurting. I can take some space and eventually the bad feelings will sift away. The good stuff will be there when I'm done.

I think I've worried that if we don't try to be friends that it'll be a reflection on my character, that being friends is what good people do. But it's not necessarily. I'm not going to be antagonistic, but I don't need to seek out a friendship that is going to be complicated at best. I'm not going to try to stop it from happening either, but I've realised that it'll be okay whether it happens or not.

So, the phone just rang, which had me a little bit disoriented when I answered it. I wonder what that was all about, it certainly hasn't happened before. Anyways, my phone is back up, but do check out Skype. As of December 20th, I'm not going to have a long-distance phone plan (my new roommates use phone cards instead), so I'm going to try to switch the bulk of my long-distance over to Skype BECAUSE IT IS FREE. I've been using it lately to talk to Amanda, my youngest sister (who turns 20 on the 15th, mwah!), and it's worked like a charm.

Uh, so I got home a few minutes ago and decided to check if there were any messages on our voice mail... and there's not even a dial tone. On any of our phones. (Yes, I checked to see that everything's plugged in.) Here's hoping that it's just a random thing and not the phone company cutting us off a month early... something tells me this is going to be a pain in the ass.

In the meantime, people can call me on Skype. My username is my real name, last name and everything. Should be easy enough to find me.

I'm wondering if this means we don't have access to 911. That would not be good.

Wow, Faye over at Questionable Content has developed some courage! I think this week's comics will be very interesting. :) QC is on the top of my list of 'comics to check everyday' right now. It's a good storyline and the characters are funny and quirky and I wouldn't mind hanging out with them.

Another comic I've enjoyed lately is copper. It comes out once a month, but the artwork is awesome and the storyline is very sweet.

Also entertaining: Breakup Girl's Guide to Interpreting a Personal Ad

This is Week 2 of the Three and a Half Week Madness. Exam on Wednesday night, assignment due today, book I have to finish reading for Thursday, lots of data to compile for a presentation that's coming up way too quick. Oh, and another exam next week. This whole exams-during-regular-school thing is not very cool. But hey, at least it's 11 degrees and raining. No matter that there was a snowstorm on Friday and was about -10. The forecast on my Dashboard weather thing says it's supposed to go up to 20 degrees today. Madness!

I've been thinking lately about what I am going to do with my new-found time now that I am single and find to my surprise that I don't really do very much other than work and school and the occasional Girls Night. There are a few considerations:

- I don't really like sports, so that cuts out a lot of options if I remain stubborn about this. Kathy's suggestion of swing dancing is somewhat intimidating because of this factor.
- I don't have guy friends, except for those who I never see because they are insanely busy and/or don't live in Toronto, or those who are Significant Others of the aforementioned Girls, which is fine but not really the same thing. I used to have guy friends. I would like to remedy this situation.
- My schedule next semester is much more sane (no classes before 11am, none lasting past 5pm), and I would like to do more than sit on my computer doing homework and/or reading MeFi and/or talking to people on MSN in the evenings.
- I have to suck it up and do this by myself, for the most part. I have to be brave and go places by myself and interact with strangers. I have not been good at this in the past, but there have been a lot of changes since then.
- I am moving downtown, where events like this are much more accessible and getting home from them won't take an hour.

So, here are the ideas so far of things to try:
- Room 101: Games You Play Sitting Down - I've been on the mailing list for a long time, but Sunday night wasn't a good time for me. I have Mondays off next semester, and am no longer dating someone who dislikes board games, so I am out of excuses. It's free, there are snacks, and it is hosted by Misha Glouberman, host of Trampoline Hall. The website indicates that I can bring Mancala and they will make people play it with me. This can be nothing other than a Good Deal.
- Serial Diners - Crazy people who have been eating out every Friday night at every restaurant in Toronto IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER, using the Yellow Pages as a guide. They are on the H's. It's been 16 years. The articles about them (see link) indicate that they are silly enough that I must join them sometime.
- Joining a Stitch n' Bitch, maybe at Lettuce Knit in Kensington Market. I'm going to try to find a crochet-friendly one.
- Volunteering at either the Toronto Women's Bookstore or Good For Her.

All of this is for next semester, though. My life is absolute madness with school until the 6th (there's still more after that, but more evenly spaced) and I'm moving on December 20th, then home for xmas, then New Years in Toronto with Melissa. There will definitely be oliebollen, because we are Dutch girls who have suffered through at least 5 New Years celebrations without it. (My Dashboard translator says that 'oliebollen' means 'oil bulges,' but they are worth it despite the incredibly high caloric content, I assure you.)

Those of you who will be in Brockville around Christmas: let's set up a playdate. Chad, Doug, Trevor, Holly, Dani, I'm looking at all of you. I'll be home around the 23rd, plans are still up in the air. Someone set something up, it's been a ridiculously long time since I've seen any of you!

I started this extremely long discussion at MetaFilter about various head coverings and veils worn by Muslim women. Basically, there's a couple of girls at school who wear the niqab, which is the covering that leaves just a slit for their eyes, and I've always wondered why they would wear it in Toronto -- is there some controlling father or set of brothers forcing her? Does she actually want to? Is she treated differently? Is it oppressive, or am I missing something?

So, I found a few articles by/about women who are Muslim and chose to wear the niqab and really like it, which are linked to at the top of the aforementioned discussion. They find it liberating. People can't judge them on whether or not they're having a good hair day or fit into beauty standards. They don't ever have to tell people that they're Muslim, because it's obvious. In certain cultures, they are given more respect.

It's become an issue in Europe, with some places (including cities in Holland) starting to ban the niqab. They say it's about security, but I think it's more about Muslim and non-Muslim relations. We see it as oppressive, so we ban it. They see it as a precious symbol of modesty and faith, so they're clearly outraged. It's a cultural miscommunication.

This afternooon, there was a woman wearing the niqab on my bus, and for the first time, I saw it and felt good about it instead of feeling uneasy. It's nice to realise that some of my assumptions are wrong.

MeFites are funny. This from last Christmas, but I missed it then.

Jingle Rock Bell:

PinkStainlessTail: "I like to sing Jingle Bell Rock, but using only the words "bell", "rock", and "jingle":

bell rock jingle rock
Bell jingle rock
Rock jingle rock
Bell jingle bell
Rock bell
Jingle
Rock rock bell
Jingle rock, jingle rock
Bell bell bell

Drives my wife nuts."

Yes, of course there's an mp3. He starts messing it up near the end ("bell jock ringle"), and I clearly need to use it in my Speech Errors assignment.

I'm trying to think of other corruptions of Christmas songs. I do like Mike's version of O Holy Night, which starts with "Oh, holy crap..." It's quite lovely.

Yep, this part sucks. I am staying home all weekend, as I have two papers due this week, and a test, not to mention other projects due soon and two exams coming up in two weeks. But let's be honest, I have nothing else to do either.

I'm writing a paper for my Language and Gender class about various advice columns about communication between men and women in the workplace. Advice on this issue generally treats men and women as if they are different species -- you know, the Mars and Venus thing. They treat "men" and "women" as homogenous units, as groups that always do and think the same thing. Women are always talking about feelings and gossiping about people and reacting emotionally; men are always talking about facts and cutting straight to the point and reacting logically. Right. These writers have clearly not met Sanda and I -- we are cold and heartless! I think it's funny that John Grey, of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus fame, goes on and on about how men don't focus on relationship stuff, but he's the author of scores of books ON RELATIONSHIPS. Perhaps he is not aware that he is a man? Let's not even get into the issue of his Ph.D., which came from a fake university.

The thing is, I know that these are over-generalizations and that we can never say that all men do something, or all women do something, or all white people do something, or all Muslims, or all rural Canadians, or any group like that. However, these ideas are very tempting, and they seem to have some truth to them. It is true that I talk to my friends about everything, that my best friends are the friends who know all the little details, and it's true that sometimes our significant others have a problem with this because that's not how they do friendship. It's true that when we have a girls night, we'll often try to do something like go to a bookstore or something, but we end up abandoning the plan and going to a coffee shop because we want to TALK. We don't want to do stuff together and not talk, because then we feel like we didn't really hang out. We didn't catch up on the little stuff, and that's really important to girls -- at least, the ones that I'm closest with. I do know a few girls who don't seem to get this, who offer me advice when I just want empathy, who respond to me talking about frustrating situations with "I can't solve that for you" instead of saying "Wow, that really sucks." But they're generally the exception among girls, and I've come to expect that behaviour from the boys.

I remember discussions about this with Chris, where he would stop me and say, "Okay, so what's the point of this story?" and the point was: this is what my day was like, these are the things that are going on in my life, and that's it. I had a friend in Kitchener who would NEVER mention any of his friends, and it drove me crazy, because how am I supposed to know if I matter to you if you don't tell me about your life and your friends never hear about me?

And no, it's not like all the boys are like this. I do have male friends who are up for the three-hour phone conversations that ramble into random topics, but they seem to be the exception. I don't know, do they seem like the exception because we're constantly told that boys don't do that? Because THEY're constantly told that? But the answer can't be that they do this because they're men, or we do this because we're women. Penises and vaginas don't have anything to do with communicative strategies. Maybe it does have to do with femininity and masculinity (gender, not sex/anatomy), or with presenting ourselves as straight or gay, or as middle-class or lower-class, or white or ... ethnic? (Is that the new word for "people who are not like us because their skin is a little bit different"?)

I'm sure my prof would love it if I just ignored these differences and pretended that everyone was the same, but I do run into these differences. Sometimes people have different communicative strategies based on their geographic location. I've been reading about a feature of Australian English that sounds like uptalk but doesn't mean quite the same thing, it's more asking for an affirmative or negative. Maybe Caleb can chime in on that one. Sometimes it's due to group-identification, like lower-class African Americans in NYC who will say "she been here" where I would say "she's always here." These things lead to a lot of miscommunication.

I can see the motivation to deny that there's a difference between male talk and female talk in our culture, because these differences are often used to assert that we're totally different and will never be able to communicate and so we should just stop trying, or to say that women can't climb the corporate ladder because we make communication "mistakes," or to re-assert this idea that women run on hormones and couldn't make a logical statement to save our lives. I see that. But I also see variation and a reason to be educated on differences we might encounter in our various male-female relationships, whether that's at work or at home or whatever.

I just don't want to exchange "men and women are totally different" for "men and women are totally the same."

Yesterday, I donated blood. There was a Blood Clinic going on at York, as there is from time to time, and one of my friends was doing it, so I tagged along. It took me TWENTY MINUTES to fill that little bag with blood. My nurse said they're only allowed to take blood for twenty minutes and she was surprised I actually filled it.

Nurses always have a hard time finding my veins. It's impossible in my left arm, and I always tell them that, but many of them prefer to dig around in my right arm, give up, dig around in my left arm, give up, and come back to my right arm. Two bruises, lovely!

They asked me all the status quo questions -- have you had sex with a man who has had sex with another man since 1977, have you exchanged sex for drugs or money, have you had sex with someone who has exchanged drugs or money for sex, have you been tested for HIV/AIDS, do you have SARS, do you do cocaine, have you been in jail in the last 6 months. I asked about the focus on gay anal sex, since anal sex is not unheard of among straight couples and it's just as risky that way, and the nurse said that they review it every few months and the percentages of HIV/AIDS are not going down in the gay community, so they keep the question on the form. She also said that they've found that the drug question is important even for people who aren't sharing needles, because some people share straws to snort cocaine with, and that's a really easy way to transfer various types of Hepatitis. Lovely.

I realised later that when my friend and I were deciding to donate blood, we were walking with another guy from our class, and he just left rather abruptly, which I thought was kind of strange. I realised later that since he's gay, donating blood isn't even an option for him, so maybe he was just avoiding having to explain if we asked him to come along. That kind of sucks. I realise that on the whole, gay men do have a higher rate of STDs, and I understand why the government would avoid accepting blood from a higher-risk group, especially if there is a failure rate with their tests for various diseases. Still, it's got to suck to be told that no matter how careful you are, no matter whether you are monogamous or practice safe sex or make sure to get yourself and your partner tested, the fact that you are gay bars you from donating blood. The question for straight people is about whether or not you've had sex with someone whose sexual history you don't know. The question for gay men is whether they've had sex at all.

I got a paper cut on the palm of my right hand today. I'm not sure how I managed that, but it's irritating.

I'm getting back into the swing of things at school. I wrote two midterms in the last two weeks -- the first when I was quite upset, and the second was deferred for almost a week, and I got an A+ and an A, respectively. The second one... if I had not deferred it, I think I would have failed it. It is just one of those classes that I really struggle to make myself care about. A lot of the questions were set up so that you could answer one of two parts, and that was lucky for me, because most of my choices were based not on which part I knew more about, but which of them I knew ANYTHING about. If I hadn't had the choice... it would have been bad news.

I listened to a lecture last night (free from Stanford's iTunes store) about the school system and how it's pretty fucked up and doesn't have much to do with learning anymore, more to do with learning how to scam the system and cheat and read summaries and bullshit your way through tests. And it's true. I wish more of my classmates were interested in the material, but they don't have time for that. They're working their ass off just to pass, and they'll never have time to reflect on it, because it's a crapload of reading plus doing extra-curriculars to get into grad school/teacher's college/etc., volunteering, working to make ends meet, not to mention trying to have something resembling a social life. Who has time to actually do all the reading, let alone independent research if you get interested?

I've long thought that the reason I do well in school isn't so much that I'm smart, just that I'm smart at certain things. I'm good at essays. I'm great at exams. And, well... that's about all the school is marking me on. But LIFE isn't about essays and exams. I'm great at school, but that doesn't say jack shit about how I'll be at work. I'll be fine at work, but that's only due to my experience in my jobs.

I've been less motivated for school lately. I was really stressed out about it before, about grad school applications and marks and funding and ohmigod quarter-life-crisis (sort of), and then Chris broke up with me, and all that seemed less important in comparison, and now I'm sort of starting to come out of that... but school isn't stressing me out as much. I sort of wish it was because I have two papers due next week and I don't REALLY care. It's a strange feeling. I need that sense of urgency back, but I'm in this zone where I just want to crochet and think about moving and hang out with people and not stress.

I am getting back on track with my reading, though. That's good. I was totally on track, and then the last three weeks have been crazy and I got off track, and now I'm making myself get back at it. Tonight: Sociolinguistics.

Some things I've been thinking about:
- the subjective nature of the social sciences, and whether or not we can say anything about anything
- why the hell can't I find a straight answer on the Internet about how much an IUD would cost, especially a non-hormonal one
- how great it is going to be to move, to meet new people, to never ride the Steeles bus again
- how it just figures that they would start re-paving Steeles Ave in my last 2 months of taking that bus, and how it is idiotic of them to start it just before winter
- making some new designs for my crocheted vulva and selling the actual pieces rather than the pattern
- changing how I eat (e.g. nothing I can't identify - see: Twizzlers)

I'm trying to think about how to talk about this in a neutral way.

Depression and mental health issues are a pain in the ass. They have affected me and many of the people that I love. I have seen three people with Borderline Personality Disorder completely rip apart households in the last year -- two roommate situations and one family -- and I know that they don't mean to do it, that they are scared and they act out in these bizarre and hurtful ways, and that they can't stop themselves. Last year, my uncle committed suicide after a short bout of depression, tied to issues with work, as it often is for men. Last summer, a girl from my church back home committed suicide after dealing with bipolar (?) issues for some time. We only find out about these struggles afterwards. There is so much stigma and denial that people let it go way too far, with drastic consequences. There is so much shame around it that we don't even suggest the possibility or step in for fear of insulting people. It is a private concern, and that privacy can be deadly.

I went on anti-anxiety meds last summer and was on them until April. I've talked about that on this blog quite a bit, but it astounds me to read other people's blog posts or hear them talk and for me to recognise these symptoms and know that they don't realise the source. I didn't recognise it either for quite some time, because I had always had them -- they were normal to me. Didn't everyone worry all the time? Didn't everyone have bizarre fears, like my fear that I was so handicapped that I wasn't even aware of it, and that everyone treated me nice because they were supposed to? Wasn't everyone ruled by that little voice that says "Take the stairs instead of the elevator -- there is Something Bad in the elevator"? Didn't everyone lose all desire to go outside, to talk to people, to do work, to do anything but sit? Didn't everyone feel miserable and useless and like everything was futile, for weeks at a time?

And no, no, they didn't. Not to that extent. And I'm not now either. I've been off of them for 6 months now, and I feel just like I did when I was on them, except without the side effects. And it's great.

It was terrifying to go to the doctor and ask for them, to admit that I didn't have my shit together, to admit that perfectly good things made me scared out of my mind. To admit that I spent my days sitting in the bathtub for 3 hours just staring at the wall feeling like shit. To admit that I walked through the grocery store and thought, "I don't want ANY of this," and ate only because I knew I should. To admit that I was afraid to start dating Chris because it might be good and I might freak out and break up with him for no reason.

I know that a lot of people think that to admit weakness is a shameful thing, that we should appear strong. But appearing strong when things are falling apart is one of the weakest things you can do. It means you never deal with it. It means that you don't have the balls to admit that you need help. It means that it's not going to get better because you're not going to change it, for fear of anyone finding out. It means that you let it go until it gets extreme, until you hit rock bottom, whether that means lashing out at the people who love you or just ending it all.

As a university student, I get the same advice all the time: Ask for an extension or deferral if you need it. Do not fail a course just because you're too proud to ask for help. This is good advice. It's saved my ass over the last two weeks. It's applicable to more than school, though. It is okay to ask people for help when you need it. It is okay to take a day off if you can. It is okay to go to the doctor or a therapist and ask for help. These things are not shameful. It is not worth being miserable just because you're too proud to ask for help.

I'm not saying that everything should feel perfect all the time. It is normal to be anxious at times, to be sad at times, to have a down day. But those emotions are there for a reason -- I should feel anxious when I'm walking through a dangerous neighbourhood, not when a new relationship is starting. Those should not feel the same.

Anyways, those are my thoughts for the day.

Roast Beef gets dragged to the yarn store (RB is a character from the comic Achewood, and this is from his blog. Yes.):

There is all this shelving with little balls or braids of yarn, and kind of this soft smell, and a long table where a few people were knitting and maybe showing each other instructions on how to perform a certain knit. I did what I always do which is just dig my nose into the nearest book rack, which in this case was a lot of books and magazines with really beautiful young models on the cover, but they were wearin' just the dowdiest old knitted ponchos and shawls you would not believe. It was like, if you wanted to have a picture of a beautiful girl looking halfway believable, the first thing you would do would be to take off the dowdy shawl and go "oh, sorry, man why did I even think that was believable. Because it was not."

So true, so true. Even moreso for crochet patterns. And yes, we girls know that you boys are bored at the yarn store, but we are in heaven, just like you digging through computer parts as we look around and think, "My god, I'm the only woman in here! I'm computer-literate but I can't even figure out what this stuff is FOR!"

More Achewood blog action: Phillippe killed Franky's mom! (He is five!)

I'm feeling much better this week. I think my body might start letting me sleep past 6 now, which would come as a huge relief. I had a chat with Chris on the weekend and it was a good, productive conversation. It's kind of surprising how that works out. This whole "being friends" thing might have a decent shot at actually working, and I'm glad.

Trevor had a lovely post today about dealing with fellow Christians who are struggling with their faith. It's a tricky thing, especially since they are questioning the things that are closest to your heart, and because you think that if they leave that it will be horrible for them and you love them. I remember when my middle sister left the faith and I was still very much in it, and it was very hard to deal with. I tried to convince her to come back for a while, and it wasn't really until I stopped doing that that we started hanging out and trusting each other with things again. Now that I'm the one who has left, I've had some friends (and extended family) who will argue with me and try to convince me with Bible verses that I've studied already, and it is very frustrating. These people do not hear me when I express my reasons for leaving; they are concerned that I come back to the faith, and that is the end of the story.

When people are struggling with the faith, they are doing everything they can to hang onto it despite the onslaught of questions and contradictions they are facing. They do not need people to jump on them, they need support and room to ask questions and come to conclusions that they can deal with. And it's because of the people who didn't jump on me, Christians who continue to love me just as much despite my atheism, that I don't fall in the camp of ex-Christians who were burned badly and carry a lot of anger towards Christians.

Music for this week: Imogen Heap (Speak for Yourself), Arcade Fire (Funeral), LCD Soundsystem (self-titled), Dashboard Confessional (The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most).

Podcasts: KEXP's independent music radio, CBC's Quirks & Quarks and also CBC Radio 3, BlogTO's Toronto Independent Music, KCRW's Politics of Culture.

Recent MetaFilter threads I've appreciated:
- higher education podcasts
- podcast recommendations
- quick but nutritional meals
- online comic recommendations

Mefi meetup in five days!

Yay! :) I went over yesterday to meet the other two roommates, and they are lovely. I ended up staying to talk for 3 hours! They're interesting girls, and funny and laidback, and seem to have a pretty big social network. It was one of their birthdays yesterday, and they were having a wine and cheese party that night and were expecting 20-30 people. It'll be nice to get to know new people. I really like them, so I expect that their friends will be equally interesting. Plus, they have friends who are boys! I miss interacting with boys who are just friends and not boyfriends of myself or my friends. I used to have so many male friends, and I think I'm down to one now, in Toronto at least, and I never see him. Boo!

I'm so excited to move in. The room is about 2/3rds bigger than the one I'm in now, and there's two big windows in it. There are no closets, but the girl I'm replacing is leaving me her wardrobe/closet thing and her desk, so that works out well. I'll actually have ROOM for all of my crochet/sewing stuff, and will likely have a futon in my room as well, so that'll be fun. It's also a nice place because it used to be a house (the downstairs is now a store), so the door frames are lovely and the hallway creaks and it has charm. It feels more like a home than the last few apartments I've lived in. I'm excited to show it to my parents because they know more about older houses and they'll appreciate some of its oddities.

It's a five minute walk to so many things I like -- the subway, Kensington Market, Chinatown, Meredith's place, great restaurants, lots of stuff. I will get to do my grocery shopping in markets instead of grocery stores, and things will be cheaper and fresher. School will still be an hour away, but everything else will be walking distance. I think it's a good change.

No strike! Some info from CUPE. Now, York on the other hand... you go to the Current Students section and click on Negotiations Update, and it gives you a page that says "N/A". Thank you, York, for your ineptitude. They do have something up (media release), but not where everyone was telling us to look for it.

This seems to mean that everyone that works with me -- hell, practically FOR me -- just got a $4000 raise. Which they deserve, because they are living below the poverty line. But me? Yeah, nothin'. Methinks someone's going to have to take me out for dinner, just to avert some bad karma.

Ooh! Imported Canadian beef! I appreciate Diesel Sweeties for making references to female arousal that make sense and extend the joke. See also: RED ROBOT.

Ray Smuckles, of Achewood fame (and fiction!), is making me paranoid of Starbucks:

Man, I just got me the nastiest old head cold this fall season. I think it came from usin' the vanilla powder salt-shaker they got on the Starbucks straw/napkin/spices counter. I think a dude sneezed on that, and got his infected snot molecules down in through the holes, into the vanilla powder, where his germs could roam free, thrivin' on simple sugar structures. I ain't never again goin' on into that place and usin' their publicly shared ingredients. My nose is all swole up like the ass of a baboon watchin' his first stag loop, and it itches to all hell besides. Man, SCREW that I got to feel this crappy! My eyes also are itchy.

The next time I am in a Starbucks, which will likely not be for a LONG time, because I was not the one with the coffee addiction, but the next time, I will be thinking of infected dudes sneezing on the publicly shared condiments. That is too bad, because I have really enjoyed the cinnamon.

I didn't cry at all yesterday! Someone give me a high five or a medal or something. Today started off with a dream in which he was blaming everything on me, and I woke up and thought, "what shit." Uh, so that's progress. Blaming you and not me, right. However, that line of thought is coming perilously close to breaking the new blog rule: personal thoughts regarding former relationships are off-limits. I will save those for rants with the girls.

Oh! And here is the thing about rants with the girls. Chris used to ask me if we ever said anything positive about our boyfriends when we talked, which is such a stupid thing to ask, because of COURSE we do. We do not get together to hate you. We get together to share what's going on in our lives. Sometimes we talk about your quirks, both good and bad, sometimes we talk about what to get you for various gift-giving occasions or swap date ideas, sometimes we talk about communication differences (which generally assume that you're actually trying to communicate, which is perhaps a mistake), but we do not get together just to be mean to you. And we won't now. This week, we're getting together to be nice to me, and that doesn't include hating people. (Did I just break the rule? Maybe a little bit.)

I need to find an online, interactive version of Mancala so that I can challenge Sanda to a Mancala duel. I played with Meredith last Friday and I had forgotten how much I loved it. I wonder how many other things there are like this, that I haven't done for so long because of someone else. It's hard to think of them, really. I didn't feel like I was stopping doing things I liked, but maybe I was, to some extent. Maybe that's just part of every relationship? In any event, Mancala should be part of future dating endeavours. That will have to go on the list.

Okay. Now I have to go print off my assignment for my class, because there is no strike and I have to actually leave my house.

Looks like the strike is going to happen:

Close to 500 members attended the much anticipated general membership meeting (GMM) tonight. In total, 69% voted to overturn the executive committee's recommendation to accept the employer's latest offer. This rejection was determined by a cross-section of 3903's membership (Units 1, 2, and 3). Ballots were cast between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 pm, in order to accomodate members who had to leave the meeting early.

As it stands now, the strike date of 3 November 2005 remains. Members of CUPE 3903 will be walking the picket line on Thursday at 7 am unless the York administration puts forward a better deal. The bargaining team has requested a meeting with the employer for Wednesday, the last day of bargaining before the strike deadline. A number of priorities have been set in consultation with the membership and will continue to guide the bargaining team's and the executive committee's considerations on any further offers from York. (CUPE 3903)

Bargaining is an elaborate game of chicken, and CUPE is just not swerving. I suppose today will reveal the determination of the administration.

Dear Mr. Chrétien from Dear Everyone made me laugh. An excerpt:

I am really sorry to hear about all the shit you're getting from the report that bad man released the other day. I don't think it's really fair that he's trying to use a principle espoused by Star Trek to ruin your excellent reputation as a former leader of this fine country.

I mean, Canada is not a starship. It's fricken huge, for one. Way bigger than even the Enterprise E. How can you be held accountable for the actions of all of its citizens? When Kirk went down for the actions of a few shitheads when they killed the Klingon Chancellor he was totally set-up and hung out to dry in a show trial and I think They are trying to set you up for the same thing. I'd watch out. Maybe wear a veridian patch or something in case you need an emergency beam out after you escape from prison.

Via pragmatic radical, whose site I found when searching updates about the strike, and whose podcasts made me laugh. This week, that's an accomplishment, so kudos to you, random York grad student.

I have been up for three hours. I have not cried. Today is looking up.

Mornings are bad. The rest of the day is do-able. It's hard not to call him. I wonder how he is, especially given the condition of his website.

I've started crocheting again. I would post what I'm crocheting, but you know... that would ruin Christmas.

Going to meet the other roommates in the aforementioned apartment on Friday. I am tempted to make truffles for them and woo them with chocolate. My midterm that was supposed to be tomorrow is now scheduled for Monday, provided that there is not a strike. From what I've heard, the offer from the administration is JUST good enough, so we'll see how it goes. Part of me hopes they stick to their guns and make the admin sweeten the offer.

Think about something else, think about something else.

I have no idea how I'm going to get through today. This is killing me.