a bit of a flashback
This is Tim and Julie, on their wedding day. I found Julie's blog today and she's got a ton of great pictures of them. I went to EBC with them, but before that, Tim and I were in the same youth group and dated briefly in high school and then he was one of my best friends for a good five years. I haven't talked to him for a few years, which is pretty sad, and I'm still trying to figure out what ethnicity he looks like (sorry bud, there's something other than Irish/Scottish going on there!) because I keep seeing guys at school who look like him and thinking, "Wait a second... they're not exactly white!" and laughing because it really never occurred to me until a couple of years ago.Anyways, more than that, I look at these pictures and realise that part of me is always going to love him, maybe because I loved him in high school, maybe because he was such a big part of my life for so long, maybe because he was exceedingly good to me and made me laugh a lot and took care of me in a lot of ways.
That realisation brings me to another. As angry and hurt as I am at Chris right now, give me some time and I'm going to feel something similar to this. I'm going to look back at photos and think, "Man, he made me happy. I hope his life is good." And the whole being friends thing? I don't think it's necessary. I haven't talked to Tim in years and that's okay. I don't need to keep talking to Chris just to prove that I'm a good person or that I'm mature and can put up a good front when I'm still hurting. I can take some space and eventually the bad feelings will sift away. The good stuff will be there when I'm done.
I think I've worried that if we don't try to be friends that it'll be a reflection on my character, that being friends is what good people do. But it's not necessarily. I'm not going to be antagonistic, but I don't need to seek out a friendship that is going to be complicated at best. I'm not going to try to stop it from happening either, but I've realised that it'll be okay whether it happens or not.
posted by Heather Ann @ 8:54 AM
5 Comments:
I agree, definitely more than Irish/Scottish! As soon as I find out I'll post it in my website! SOOO many people ask me "so what nationality is he?" Sometimes I just want to lie and make up something to avoid the looks of disbelief I get when I say "Irish/Scottish".
I didn't really know how close you and Tim used to be and just found out this summer... I never understood what happened at EBC - I'm glad you posted this and commented on my blog. Thanks.
I just want to comment on you last paragraph... I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! That theme of making decisions that are ultimately going to hurt me or be bad for me because "that is what good people do" has been an ever present reality for me... I guess I'm just learning now that I don't want to be a "good people" it's too hard and makes me worry too much... I have no idea how this is going to play out. Anyway, ttyl... it was cool clicking on your link and seeing me.
Yeah.. irish and scottish? i doubt it.. and i also agree, Tim (and Julie) love em, they are the greatest, i miss them both a good bit, and also when Justin and i broke up (who coincidentily took that picture of tim and julie) i was super angry at him, and now, i look at pictures and i think, gosh he's great, i hope he's happy..
oops.. i'm annoynymous.. he he.. forgot to sign my name..
Holly
The picture isn't displaying. Which Tim is this??
Oh, and now it is! That Tim! that's what I thought! Ignore my last comment.
I saw him awhile back... wow, it must be almost years... It was the oddest thing ever to see someone that I used to be so close to and realize I had nothing to say.
Of course, he also told me that day that he was married... That might of been what knocked me speechless.
I'll stop now, since the point of this post really wasn't Tim at all... :)
So tired from camping.
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