regret
I sent an email this week that offended a bunch of my friends, and I totally didn't mean it that way and I feel really bad about it. I didn't express myself well, left things open for misunderstandings that made me look like an awful person, and jumped in where I didn't belong. It's difficult to fix especially since these friendships are relatively new and I inadvertently insulted someone whom they have been friends with for many years, and they are justifiably defensive. I don't know what to do but apologize and admit that I shouldn't have said anything and try to explain what I meant to say in the first place. It is, as my first roommate would have put it, a pride-kicker. It's especially frustrating because I really intended to help and do something positive, but I should have waited and read things over and just recognized that it's not my place at all, and I didn't, so it backfired and now I'm embarrassed and look (and feel) like a jerk.
Funny, I was talking to my counsellor today about how my Protestant upbringing makes it hard for me to deal with the fact that I'm not perfect and I feel guilty or frustrated when I don't do things 100% right. Just goes to show ya, I guess. If I were still Christian, I would say that God's trying to teach me to be humble. I'm not Christian anymore, but I think I'm still going to take the kick to my pride and try to rectify what I can of the situation and apologize and then just move on with a bit more caution, I guess. Damn, I feel like a jerk though.
posted by Heather Ann @ 10:27 PM
2 Comments:
Nah, God isn't teaching you to be humble. :) You're an INTJ and so pride is a huge factor in a lot that we INTJ's do. We pride ourselves on being right and making rational, logical decisions and so when we are wrong or make a mistake (Christian or not) it is going to be as you said a pride-kicker. Out of my own experience, half the time I think that my expectations and God's expecatations don't line up. (Expectations referring to what I am capable and competent of doing, accomplishing, etc.) And when I say our expectations don't line up, it's not because God has this huge list and I will never measure up (though in some areas this could be true). I think for the most part my expectations of what I am able to do are way higher than God's. And I have said before...I sometimes think that my expectations should be God's ;).
Anyways, even those ancient philosopher types like Plato and Aristotle said pride was a good thing, but in moderation.
Anyways, I just appreciated your honestly in this. I often put my foot in my mouth and do 'jerkish' things and so just can understand where you are coming from. So I hope things work out.
Hey there,
Something about this kind of resonates with me. It reminds me of something I wrote ages ago on my blog about learning that I actually need to make a complete screw up of things every now and again.
http://ruthie-annie.blogspot.com/2004/09/permission-to-screw-up.html
I hope your friends will forgive you - it sounds like your intentions were good. I remember a time when I thought I'd really cocked up in some of the things I'd done and said to a couple of my friends. I knew they were wonderful people, but they really got me with the extent of their understanding and their willingness to forgive me when I'd made a mess of things. That experience of forgiveness can be very healing.
I think screwing up once in a while is important, it reminds us that we're human, and opens the doors for us to learn to be tolerant of our own and other's failings, and to learn to forgive ourselves and receive forgiveness.
Hope it works out for you,
Ruthie
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